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If you didn’t exist, it would be so much easier to go by my day to day business. But, you do exist. You’re still in my world every single day. I doubt I’m even a speck of dust on your windowsill.
I will never understand this hold you have on me. I have no idea what to do about it either.
This obsession has gotten itself so deeply tangled into the depths and crevasses of my brain, I feel as though you’re never getting out.
There is no reason, none what so ever, that you should still be on my mind. We were never friends. You don’t know my middle name, or my birthday. We never shared anything more than a hug and a few exchanged words.
I know I am a different person than I was six years ago, so you are most definitely a different person now than you were then. I probably don’t even like who you are today.
There’s no absolution, no closure on the thought of you. I never got a chance to ask you all I needed to ask.
I just want to know how you’re doing. I want to know who’s broken your heart and who’s hearts you have broken. I want to know if you take cream in your coffee or if you’re more of a tea drinker. I want to know where you’re ticklish and how many times you can make a rock skip across the water. I want to ask about your mom, and see if she’s in remission yet. I want to watch you play a game of tag with your little brothers and see how much you laugh. I want to know everything that makes your eyes brighten up.
For some reason, I want to know your hopes, your fears, and your dreams. I want to know all it is that makes you happy so that I can forever do the things that bring a smile to your face. Even if I never speak to you ever again, if I could make the lights turn green when you’re on your way to work, or leave a random 20 dollar bill in the pocket of a forgotten winter coat, knowing that you were smiling would be well worth it.
There’s no reason you should mean this much to me. There’s no reason I should still care…not a single reason.
You’ve done nothing for me and I’ve done nothing for you…except for that one time…nevermind. It doesn’t matter now.
You don’t matter now.
You shouldn’t matter now.
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