blastortoise:

Why would you intentionally eat olives like what in the fuck? are you okay? is someone forcing you to do this? You need me to call the police let me know so we can help you

I want you to go and find the tallest, and the most lush maple tree. Now, count the leaves for me.
How many leaves are there? A thousand? Hundreds of thousands?

I don’t know how many leaves are on a full maple tree, but I do know this:
If there was an accurate representation of how many times I thought of you every day, I could fill thousands of trees with thousands of leaves.

And in the same way that all my hopes of reaching you change into a burst of oranges and reds, so do the leaves change all of those breathtaking colors. Like fire they burst underneath the autumn sun. People drive for miles just to see this beautiful wonder of nature happen. I wish you would drive for miles to see my trees, to see how much color I have to burst into your black and white world.

But, since you do not come to see the landscape I have shaped and grown and built for you, all my leaves fall off, leaving my branches bare, the fire, only a distant memory.

There are only so many seasons I can go through for you. There are only so many times I can bud, and grow and change before I become hollow inside.

The thought of you almost ended my relationship today.

I want to stand outside your window and sing a song to you in hopes that maybe you’d let me take you out on a date. You’ve got this awful hold on me that I have yet to find a way to explain. All I want to do is work out, dress we’ll and hope that I bump into you one day and you’ll think I’m good enough for you to give me a chance.

These thoughts shouldn’t belong to someone who is in a serious, committed relationship.

The woman I’m with, she’s absolutely beautiful and she makes me incredibly happy. She is so good to me and is completely, one hundred percent in love with me. I wish I could be as in lobe with her as she is with me. She deserves to be treated like royalty, and I can’t give her what she deserves as long as you’re taking up space in my mind.

If you didn’t exist, it would be so much easier to go by my day to day business. But, you do exist. You’re still in my world every single day. I doubt I’m even a speck of dust on your windowsill.

I will never understand this hold you have on me. I have no idea what to do about it either.

This obsession has gotten itself so deeply tangled into the depths and crevasses of my brain, I feel as though you’re never getting out.

There is no reason, none what so ever, that you should still be on my mind. We were never friends. You don’t know my middle name, or my birthday. We never shared anything more than a hug and a few exchanged words.

I know I am a different person than I was six years ago, so you are most definitely a different person now than you were then. I probably don’t even like who you are today.

There’s no absolution, no closure on the thought of you. I never got a chance to ask you all I needed to ask.

I just want to know how you’re doing. I want to know who’s broken your heart and who’s hearts you have broken. I want to know if you take cream in your coffee or if you’re more of a tea drinker. I want to know where you’re ticklish and how many times you can make a rock skip across the water. I want to ask about your mom, and see if she’s in remission yet. I want to watch you play a game of tag with your little brothers and see how much you laugh. I want to¬†know everything that makes your eyes brighten up.

For some reason, I want to know your hopes, your fears, and your dreams. I want to know all it is that makes you happy so that I can forever do the things that bring a smile to your face. Even if I never speak to you ever again, if I could make the lights turn green when you’re on your way to work, or leave a random 20 dollar bill in the pocket of a forgotten winter coat, knowing that you were smiling would be well worth it.

There’s no reason you should mean this much to me. There’s no reason I should still care…not a single reason.

You’ve done nothing for me and I’ve done nothing for you…except for that one time…nevermind. It doesn’t matter now.

You don’t matter now.

You shouldn’t matter now.